No, You Don't Need Spiritual Initiation.
Spiritual Initiation and why you don't need it
Spring 2018. An awakening period for me, really the catalytic season that shaped the woman I am now.
I dreamt a dream one late spring night that changed my life.
I was transported to my ancestral family land, a farm in Richland, GA, where my mother grew up and my family stewarded the land. The sky was strewn with purple, blue, and green energetic light (much like the scene from Black Panther in Wakanda where they're on the ancestral plane; the movie had just come out, so I have no doubt that influenced my dreamscape). The family house sat in the middle of a big open field, and it looked black because it was nighttime; the only thing lighting the sky was the stars and the energy bursts that mirrored the Northern Lights. I entered the house to see some men standing around and four stoic, stern-looking women sitting in chairs placed catacorner in a line, with a fifth chair empty at the front. I was slightly afraid and intimidated by these women. They all looked at me stone-faced, but I could feel they weren't mad at me in any way. The room was completely silent. It was decorated like something out of the early 1940s.
Somehow, I felt at home here.
The fifth, empty chair left me questioning who was supposed to be there. And as soon as the thought popped into my head, a woman appeared out of nowhere, short and slightly round, with jet black hair and big round eyes (the hair and the eyes were both familial traits, I might add), carrying the gentlest, sweetest, most vibrant energy I've ever felt. She walked over to me smiling, arms out as if to welcome me, and as she got closer, she brought her arms in and cupped my face. Her touch was so warm and soothing. Strange, yet familiar. Calming but electrifying. Her smile was so big, and I immediately knew this woman was so proud of me, she was bursting at the seams with it. She was happy to see me. It felt like she had been waiting for me all my life. She touched her forehead to mine and closed her eyes for a moment, and I closed mine. I felt like I was standing outside my body in that moment, watching us. As we connected, we radiated golden light. It reverberated like the pulse of a sound wave.
And then... I woke up.
It was the best dream I'd had in my entire life. Something shifted in me after it. I had a feeling of who the woman was, but I had never seen her, so I knew I needed someone who might. I rolled out of bed, found my phone, and called the only person who could make sense of this dream and the people in it for me. My mom.
"Hey sweet pea, how are you?!" My mom answered the phone in her usual way, calling me some doting pet name in a sweet tone. My mom always loves when I call her asking about her hometown or her upbringing; it brings us closer. I have the type of parents that if you don't ask specific questions, you won't get specific answers. I call that a hallmark of their generation, very hush-hush. But this time, in this conversation, even though I didn't know exactly what to ask, my mother opened the floodgates of information. I described the four women with all the details I could remember: clothing, face structure, hairstyles, jewelry, nail color. And then I described the fifth woman. I felt my mother's energy shift over the phone. Not in a negative way, but as if a calm had come over her.
"Yup, that was Sae'," my mother said.
My maternal grandmother, Sadie Pearl, had passed away four years before I was born, and I had never seen a single photo of her in my entire life. My mother rarely talked about Sadie growing up. She loved her mother dearly, so I think it just hurt too much to talk about her.
The only reason I know my mother's love for her was so deep was because of this one instance when I was a preteen and we were out grocery shopping on a Sunday. The Spinners' song "Sadie" came on as we pulled into the parking lot. I thought we were going to hop out, but she and I sat and listened to the song, and my mother began to sob uncontrollably. My mother wasn't one for visible displays of emotion, so I was stumped at what to do in that moment. I sat quietly and allowed her to sob without words, statements, or judgment. She had a much-needed breakdown. After about 15 minutes, she stopped crying, pulled herself together, and said, "Ok, let's go now," and that was it. She never said a word about the moment or ever tried to explain what happened. I knew she missed her mother. By that point it had been roughly 15 years since she'd last seen her or heard her voice.
As my mother and I continued to talk about my dream, I explained the room and the feelings I experienced. She exclaimed, "Yeah Lindsey, that was the house! And that sounds like my aunts and grandmother!"
I was shocked. I had never known these people in the physical realm, and yet they sought me out in the spiritual realm. It became apparent to me that these people had always been around me spiritually, but now was just the time for them to reveal themselves on this part of my journey. My mother shared more information about her family, and we talked for 20 more minutes before hanging up.
I sat with myself quietly for a moment and contemplated: what does this all mean? The word "activation" popped into my head, and I began to know a new journey was starting for me. My grandmother's forehead touch had awakened me to the next level of my spiritual gifts and journey. It lit a fire within me and pulled back the veil from over my eyes to what had been within me all along. She felt it was time that I began mastering my gifts, so that I could be ready to share them with the world in due time.
From that moment on, it felt like my spirit tapped into a different vibration. I began experiencing the "Clairs." I had recently gotten into creating an altar for my beloved dead (which I feel contributed to this catalytic moment), and there were times I would smell coffee and know that's what should go on the altar, crave food I typically wouldn't eat, and know that's what they had a hankering for.
One time, in particular, I was craving fried catfish nuggets so bad I could taste it. My mouth watered at the thought of it. That wasn't a food I would normally eat on a regular basis, so I thought to myself, is this what my grandmother wants on the altar? I said out loud, in my apartment, "Sae, grandma, do you want catfish on the altar?" In that moment, outside my apartment window, someone's car alarm went off, and on the connecting street, an ambulance went by. I had my answer.
The messages and signs and connection to spirits exploded during that time. I began to understand tarot differently. When I would do a reading, I would see pictures in my mind, smell smells, feel sensations in my body, and interpret what they meant for whomever I was reading for. And I was right.
I began to have dreams more frequently, with messages for people that I knew or had met. Their ancestors and spirit guides were contacting me for them because they knew I could relay the messages. And in that too, I was right.
I couldn't believe I had been given this gift. That I was chosen to be this person.
In the years before that summer, I had done research into all these initiatory practices and had come to the conclusion that it wasn't for me, at least not at that time. I had assumed that being given the gift of sight, or cultivating that skill, had to come with some deep knowledge that could only be gained by joining one of these practices. I'd assumed I had to be a Priestess, or a Mambo, or a devotee of a certain Orisha... but I didn't.
The Magic was in me all along.
I didn't have to join a group or devote my life away. My gifts awakened in me when I was ready for them.
Oftentimes, I see those transitioning from Christianity to African Traditional Religions with the same mindset I once had. Blame it on the Christian upbringing, with its pastors and deacons, prophets and prophetesses, people obsessed with titles and rank. It's ingrained in many of us, through Christianity, that your belief system grants you the gifts. When really, your belief system should inform the gifts, not grant them. It helps make sense of the magic inside you that was always meant to be, regardless of what you believe. I'm a firm believer that we are all given at least one spiritual gift in this lifetime. It is up to us to seek it and unlock it within ourselves. The problem is, many don't do the work to get there. A lot of folks are too distracted by the superficialities of the world to really live fully in it spiritually. And there's nothing wrong with being at that point; hell, we all have been there at one point or another.
The gift that is given needs no initiation. It just requires a desire to go deeper and explore the meaning and connection between body and spirit. If you've been stuck feeling like the next step may be initiating into a practice, that's okay, but don't stay there feeling like that's the only way to spiritual connectedness. Everything you need you already have inside you. Work with who you are and what you have now. Connect with your own ancestors and spirit guides before seeking out deities and initiation. I promise there is someone on your spirit team who wants to know you better and help you more. We are the descendants of our bloodlines, and what our ancestors didn't accomplish in their lifetimes, they'd like for us to flourish and prosper in ours.
My Offerings
Here are two spreads you can use to dig deeper with your spirit team:
"My Gifts" Tarot Spread
What is my natural spiritual gift?
What spiritual gift do I possess but am unaware of?
What spiritual gift is a part of my life's work?
Shadow: what holds me back from using my gifts to their full potential?
How do I cultivate the gifts I've been given?
Gift
My spirit team's guidance for using my gifts in this lifetime
"Who Guides Me?" Tarot Spread
Cards 1–2: Who were you in your lifetime?
Cards 3–4: What are your divine wishes for me in my lifetime?
Cards 5–6: On the spirit side, what is your divine purpose in my life?
Cards 7–8: What will you assist me with in this lifetime? What should I call on you for?
Card 9: What is your divine guidance for me?
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